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Thursday, January 14, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Here are some nice Dilbert's one liners:
1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.
2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.
3. Try & try, if you don't succeed, then CHEAT
4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
5. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.
6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train..
7. Born free, taxed to death.
8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
12. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
13. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.
14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light. 15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!
20. If you can't convince them, confuse them.
21. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers
24. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
25. Someday is not a day of the week
26. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
27. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.
28. The road to success.... Is always under construction.
29. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
30. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
J…….and here's the best of the lot J
31. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or in love with someone else!
*Contributed by my dear friend Chandrasekhar G
Follow the link and you can open four Google searches in a
single window. So you can search four criteria at a single time…
http://googlegooglegooglegoogle.com/old/
*Contributed by my dear friend Chandrasekhar G
single window. So you can search four criteria at a single time…
http://googlegooglegooglegoogle.com/old/
*Contributed by my dear friend Chandrasekhar G
Subject: The Next Survival Series
Six married men
Will be dropped on an island with one
car and 3 kids each for six weeks.
Each kid will play two sports and
take either music or dance classes.
There is no fast food.
Each man must
Take care of his 3 kids;
Keep his assigned house clean,
Correct all homework,
Complete science projects,
Cook, do laundry,
And pay a list of 'pretend' bills
With not enough money.
In addition, each man
Will have to budget in money
For groceries each week.
Each man
Must remember the birthdays
Of all their friends and relatives,
And send cards out on time--no Emailing.
Each man must also take each child
To a doctor's appointment,
A dentist appointment
And a haircut appointment.
He must make one unscheduled and
Inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.
He must also make cookies or cupcakes
For a social function.
Each man will be responsible for
Decorating his own assigned house,
Planting flowers outside, and keeping
It presentable at all times.
The men will only have access to television
When the kids are asleep and all chores are done.
The men must shave their legs,
Wear makeup daily,
Adorn themselves with jewelry,
Wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes,
Keep fingernails polished,
And eyebrows groomed.
During one of the six weeks:
The men will have to endure severe
Abdominal cramps, back aches, head aches,
Have extreme, unexplained mood swings
But never once complain or slow down
>From other duties.
They must attend weekly school meetings
And church, And find time at least once to spend
The afternoon at the park or a similar setting.
They will need to read a book to the kids
Each night and in the morning,
Feed them,
Dress them,
Brush their teeth and
Comb their hair
By 7:00 am.
A test
Will be given at the end of the six
weeks, and each father will be
Required to know all of the following information:
Each child's
Birthday,
Height,
weight,
Shoe size,
clothes size,
Doctor's' name,
The child's weight at birth,
Length, time of birth,
And length of labor,
Each child's favorite color,
Middle name,
Favorite snack,
Favorite song,
Favorite drink,
Favorite toy,
Biggest fear,
And what they want to be when they grow up.
The kids vote them off the island based on performance.
The last man wins only if...
He still
Has enough energy
To be intimate with his spouse
At a moment's
Notice.
If the last man does win,
He can play the game over and over and over
Again for the next 18-25 years,
Eventually earning the right
To be called Mother!
After you get done laughing,
Please send this to as many females as
You think will get a kick out of it and
As many men as you think can handle it.
Just don't send it back to me.... I'm going to bed
*Contributed by my dear friend Chandrasekhar G
Will be dropped on an island with one
car and 3 kids each for six weeks.
Each kid will play two sports and
take either music or dance classes.
There is no fast food.
Each man must
Take care of his 3 kids;
Keep his assigned house clean,
Correct all homework,
Complete science projects,
Cook, do laundry,
And pay a list of 'pretend' bills
With not enough money.
In addition, each man
Will have to budget in money
For groceries each week.
Each man
Must remember the birthdays
Of all their friends and relatives,
And send cards out on time--no Emailing.
Each man must also take each child
To a doctor's appointment,
A dentist appointment
And a haircut appointment.
He must make one unscheduled and
Inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.
He must also make cookies or cupcakes
For a social function.
Each man will be responsible for
Decorating his own assigned house,
Planting flowers outside, and keeping
It presentable at all times.
The men will only have access to television
When the kids are asleep and all chores are done.
The men must shave their legs,
Wear makeup daily,
Adorn themselves with jewelry,
Wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes,
Keep fingernails polished,
And eyebrows groomed.
During one of the six weeks:
The men will have to endure severe
Abdominal cramps, back aches, head aches,
Have extreme, unexplained mood swings
But never once complain or slow down
>From other duties.
They must attend weekly school meetings
And church, And find time at least once to spend
The afternoon at the park or a similar setting.
They will need to read a book to the kids
Each night and in the morning,
Feed them,
Dress them,
Brush their teeth and
Comb their hair
By 7:00 am.
A test
Will be given at the end of the six
weeks, and each father will be
Required to know all of the following information:
Each child's
Birthday,
Height,
weight,
Shoe size,
clothes size,
Doctor's' name,
The child's weight at birth,
Length, time of birth,
And length of labor,
Each child's favorite color,
Middle name,
Favorite snack,
Favorite song,
Favorite drink,
Favorite toy,
Biggest fear,
And what they want to be when they grow up.
The kids vote them off the island based on performance.
The last man wins only if...
He still
Has enough energy
To be intimate with his spouse
At a moment's
Notice.
If the last man does win,
He can play the game over and over and over
Again for the next 18-25 years,
Eventually earning the right
To be called Mother!
After you get done laughing,
Please send this to as many females as
You think will get a kick out of it and
As many men as you think can handle it.
Just don't send it back to me.... I'm going to bed
*Contributed by my dear friend Chandrasekhar G
Weeweechu
A romantic full moon hangs in the sky over Pedro the
chihuahua and his girlfriend, Rosita. Gradually, a mood
begins rising in Pedro, and he sidles up to Rosita and
whispers in her ear, "Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu."
"Oh, Pedro," sighs Rosita, "can't we just look at the
beautiful moon for a little while?"
"Oh, baby," begs Pedro. "You know I love you... and it's
the perfect time of the evening. C'mon, let's you and I do
Weeweechu... jus' for a li'l bit."
"But I just wanna snuggle and watch the moon," Rosita pouts.
"Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me."
A small, soft smile touches the corners of Rosita's lips as
she looks into Pedro's eyes. "Alright, Pedro," she says.
"I love you too, and we can do Weeweechu together. But
just one time, okay?"
Pedro eagerly nods as he grabs his guitar, and they
both begin to sing...."Weeweechu a Merry Christmas,
Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry
Christmas, and a Happy New Year!"
*Contributed by my dear friend Chandrasekhar G
chihuahua and his girlfriend, Rosita. Gradually, a mood
begins rising in Pedro, and he sidles up to Rosita and
whispers in her ear, "Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu."
"Oh, Pedro," sighs Rosita, "can't we just look at the
beautiful moon for a little while?"
"Oh, baby," begs Pedro. "You know I love you... and it's
the perfect time of the evening. C'mon, let's you and I do
Weeweechu... jus' for a li'l bit."
"But I just wanna snuggle and watch the moon," Rosita pouts.
"Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me."
A small, soft smile touches the corners of Rosita's lips as
she looks into Pedro's eyes. "Alright, Pedro," she says.
"I love you too, and we can do Weeweechu together. But
just one time, okay?"
Pedro eagerly nods as he grabs his guitar, and they
both begin to sing...."Weeweechu a Merry Christmas,
Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry
Christmas, and a Happy New Year!"
*Contributed by my dear friend Chandrasekhar G
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