Think about this:
1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments
----------------------------------------------------------------
Cows
Is it just me , or does anyone else find it amazing
that during the mad cow disease epidemic that
our government could treack a single cow, born
in Canada almost three years ago, right to the
stall where she slept in the state of Washington?
And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But
our government is unable to locate 11 million
illegal aliens wandering around our country.
Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
---------------------------------------------------
The Constitution
Our government and military keep talking
about drafting a Constitution for Iraq...
Why don't we just give them ours? It was
written by a lot of smart guys, it has
worked for over 200 years, and we're not
using it anymore.
---------------------------------------------------
The Ten Commandments
The real reason that we can't have the Ten
Commandments posted in a courthouse or
Congress is this -- you cannot post 'Thou
Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit
Adultry' and 'Thou Shalt Not Lie' in a building
full of lawyers, judges and politicians.....
it creates a hostile work environment.
---------------------------------------------------
Also, think about this .... if you don't want to
forward this for fear of offending someone --
then You Are Part Of The Problem! It is time
for America to speak up!
________________________________________
--
Cindy Williams :-)
Founder of Teaching Hands
http://teaching-hands.blogspot.com
Building World-Wide Communities -- Together!
Friday, February 5, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Aging Humor
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a
number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was
able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed
the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor
and the doctor said,'Your hearing is perfect. Your family
must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I
just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed
my will three times!'
_________________________________________
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting
on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:
'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains.
I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
_________________________________________
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and
after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said,'Last night we
went out to a new restaurant and it was really great...I would
recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said,'What is
the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You
know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
Yes, that's the one,' replied the man.
He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled,'Rose, what's
the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
_________________________________________
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients
being discharged. However, while working as a student
nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and
sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted
he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat
about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to
the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was
meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said.' She's still upstairs in the bathroom
changing out of her hospital gown.'
_________________________________________
Couple in their nineties is both having problems remembering
things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're
physically okay, but they might want to start writing things
down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast?'
_________________________________________
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.''Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'
_________________________________________
Three old guys are out walking. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'
_________________________________________
A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid.It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.''Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?''Twelve thirty.'
_________________________________________
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the streetwith a gorgeous young woman on his arm.A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said,'You're really doing great, aren't you?'Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful''The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'
_________________________________________
One more!
_________________________________________
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly,painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?''No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
__________________________________________
*Contributed by my dear friend Chandrasekhar G
number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was
able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed
the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor
and the doctor said,'Your hearing is perfect. Your family
must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I
just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed
my will three times!'
_________________________________________
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting
on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:
'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains.
I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
_________________________________________
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and
after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said,'Last night we
went out to a new restaurant and it was really great...I would
recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said,'What is
the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You
know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
Yes, that's the one,' replied the man.
He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled,'Rose, what's
the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
_________________________________________
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients
being discharged. However, while working as a student
nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and
sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted
he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat
about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to
the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was
meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said.' She's still upstairs in the bathroom
changing out of her hospital gown.'
_________________________________________
Couple in their nineties is both having problems remembering
things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're
physically okay, but they might want to start writing things
down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast?'
_________________________________________
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.''Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'
_________________________________________
Three old guys are out walking. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'
_________________________________________
A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid.It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.''Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?''Twelve thirty.'
_________________________________________
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the streetwith a gorgeous young woman on his arm.A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said,'You're really doing great, aren't you?'Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful''The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'
_________________________________________
One more!
_________________________________________
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly,painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?''No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
__________________________________________
*Contributed by my dear friend Chandrasekhar G
About Murphy...
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost passed out when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life. After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, "Murphy, I'm so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"
Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father. A while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn has a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he would have to take off his hat during Mass and figured he'd leave it in the back of the church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."
The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat, after all. What changed your mind?"
Murphy replied, "Well, Father, after I heard your sermon on the Ten Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat."
With a tear in his eye, the priest gave Murphy a smile and said; "After I spoke about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' , ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell?"Murphy slowly shook his head.
"No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery', I remembered where I left my hat."
__________________________________________
* Contributed by my dear friend Chandrasekhar G
Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father. A while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn has a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he would have to take off his hat during Mass and figured he'd leave it in the back of the church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."
The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat, after all. What changed your mind?"
Murphy replied, "Well, Father, after I heard your sermon on the Ten Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat."
With a tear in his eye, the priest gave Murphy a smile and said; "After I spoke about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' , ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell?"Murphy slowly shook his head.
"No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery', I remembered where I left my hat."
__________________________________________
* Contributed by my dear friend Chandrasekhar G
Clean your screen
You probably don't clean your computer screen very often and it is really hard to do the inside, so here is my present to you.
Click on the word "here" above and wait for a few seconds
and the inside of your screen will be cleaned for you!
___________________________________________
*Contributed my my dear L.K. friends George and Helena
Click on the word "here" above and wait for a few seconds
and the inside of your screen will be cleaned for you!
___________________________________________
*Contributed my my dear L.K. friends George and Helena
Monday, February 1, 2010
Wow! All About Onions...
Read to the End...
Tip of The Day!
Wow! All About Onions..... read this interesting article (Who knew?)
In 1919 when the flu killed 40 million people there was this Doctor that visited the many farmers to see if he could help them combat the flu. Many of the farmers and their family had contracted it and many died.. The doctor came upon this one farmer and to his surprise, everyone was very healthy. When the doctor asked what the farmer was doing that was different the wife replied that she had placed an unpeeled onion in a dish in the rooms of the home, (probably only two rooms back then). The doctor couldn't believe it and asked if he could have one of the onions and place it under the microscope. She gave him one and when he did this, he did find the flu virus in the onion. It obviously absorbed the bacteria, therefore, keeping the family healthy..
Now, I heard this story from my hairdresser in AZ. She said that several years ago many of her employees were coming down with the flu and so were many of her customers. The next year she placed several bowls with onions around in her shop. To her surprise, none of her staff got sick. It must work... (And no, she is not in the onion business.) The moral of the story is, buy some onions and place them in bowls around your home. If you work at a desk, place one or two in your office or under your desk or even on top somewhere. Try it and see what happens. We did it last year and we never got the flu. If this helps you and your loved ones from getting sick, all the better. If you do get the flu, it just might be a mild case.. Whatever, what have you to lose? Just a few bucks on onions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now there is a P. S. to this for I sent it to a friend in Oregon who regularly contributes material to me on health issues. She replied with this most interesting experience about onions:
Weldon, thanks for the reminder. I don't know about the farmers story... but, I do know that I contacted pneumonia and needless to say I was very ill... I came across an article that said to cut both ends off an onion put one end on a fork and then place the forked end into an empty jar... placing the jar next to the sick patient at night. It said the onion would be black in the morning from the germs... sure enough it happened just like that... the onion was a mess and I began to feel better.
Another thing I read in the article was that onions and garlic placed around the room saved many from the black plague years ago. They have powerful antibacterial, antiseptic properties.
This is the other note.
LEFT OVER ONIONS ARE POISONOUS
I have used an onion which has been left in the fridge, and sometimes I don't use a whole one at one time, so save the other half for later.
Now with this info, I have changed my mind.... will buy smaller onions in the future.
I had the wonderful privilege of touring Mullins Food Products, Makers of mayonnaise. Mullins is huge, and is owned by 11 brothers and sisters in the Mullins family. My friend, Jeanne, is the CEO.
Questions about food poisoning came up, and I wanted to share what I learned from a chemist.
The guy who gave us our tour is named Ed. He's one of the brothers Ed is a chemistry expert and is involved in developing most of the sauce formula. He's even developed sauce formula for McDonald's.
Keep in mind that Ed is a food chemistry whiz. During the tour, someone asked if we really needed to worry about mayonnaise. People are always worried that mayonnaise will spoil. Ed's answer will surprise you. Ed said that all commercially- made Mayo is completely safe.
"It doesn't even have to be refrigerated. No harm in refrigerating it, but it's not really necessary." He explained that the pH in mayonnaise is set at a point that bacteria could not survive in that environment. He then talked about the quaint essential picnic, with the bowl of potato salad sitting on the table and how everyone blames the mayonnaise when someone gets sick.
Ed says that when food poisoning is reported, the first thing the officials look for is when the 'victim' last ate ONIONS and where those onions came from (in the potato salad?). Ed says it's not the mayonnaise (as long as it's not homemade Mayo) that spoils in the outdoors. It's probably the onions, and if not the onions, it's the POTATOES.
He explained, onions are a huge magnet for bacteria, especially uncooked onions. You should never plan to keep a portion of a sliced onion.. He says it's not even safe if you put it in a zip-lock bag and put it in your refrigerator.
It's already contaminated enough just by being cut open and out for a bit, that it can be a danger to you (and doubly watch out for those onions you put in your hotdogs at the baseball park!)
Ed says if you take the leftover onion and cook it like crazy you'll probably be okay, but if you slice that leftover onion and put on your sandwich, you're asking for trouble. Both the onions and the moist potato in a potato salad, will attract and grow bacteria faster than any commercial mayonnaise will even begin to break down.
So, how's that for news? Take it for what you will. I (the author) am going to be very careful about my onions from now on. For some reason, I see a lot of credibility coming from a chemist and a company that produces millions of pounds of mayonnaise every year.'
Also, dogs should never eat onions. Their stomachs cannot metabolize onions .Please remember it is dangerous to cut onions and try to use it to cook the next day ,it becomes highly poisonous for even a single night and creates Toxic bacteria which may cause Adverse Stomach infections because of excess Bile secretions and even Food poisoning.
Please pass it on to all you love and care.
No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.comVersion: 9.0.730 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/2639 - Release Date: 01/22/10 11:33:00
Humans’ finest moments are connecting in Circles of Naked Movements. Acknowledge yourself and come home. The Wild Universe and all their families Hear, Feel, Appreciate, Celebrate and Nourish you!!! We are their mysteries and The Wild are our realities.
Wa-do
EarthThunder
Boise, Idaho 208.599.1004
Oceanearth.earthocean@gmail.com
http://earththunder.byregion.net
This budget may be vague in understanding by humans most times, how would they mirror their daily, monthly budget to that of the planet? Never doubt the Gift is available.
CIRCLES, CYCLES, SEASONS, SPIRALS AND COMPOST
GrandMother Earth and her families Economy Budget:
On a monthly basis re-access your time distribution: serving GrandMother Earth and her families, time, self, relations, lifework, money and movement to Circle your abundant thriving.
-48% Necessity = Sleep, Spirituality, Food, Lodge, LifeWork
-13% Community=GrandMother Earth and her families, Intimate family, Global Families
-13% Savings= of time, meditation, silence, money, release expectation/perception
-13% Relaxation, play, pain is an ally and death is a cycle of living
-13% Mysteries=Trust what you know you do not know yet or do not need to know or will ever be known
___________________________________________
**Contributed by an email from my dear aunt RiverEyes
Tip of The Day!
Wow! All About Onions..... read this interesting article (Who knew?)
In 1919 when the flu killed 40 million people there was this Doctor that visited the many farmers to see if he could help them combat the flu. Many of the farmers and their family had contracted it and many died.. The doctor came upon this one farmer and to his surprise, everyone was very healthy. When the doctor asked what the farmer was doing that was different the wife replied that she had placed an unpeeled onion in a dish in the rooms of the home, (probably only two rooms back then). The doctor couldn't believe it and asked if he could have one of the onions and place it under the microscope. She gave him one and when he did this, he did find the flu virus in the onion. It obviously absorbed the bacteria, therefore, keeping the family healthy..
Now, I heard this story from my hairdresser in AZ. She said that several years ago many of her employees were coming down with the flu and so were many of her customers. The next year she placed several bowls with onions around in her shop. To her surprise, none of her staff got sick. It must work... (And no, she is not in the onion business.) The moral of the story is, buy some onions and place them in bowls around your home. If you work at a desk, place one or two in your office or under your desk or even on top somewhere. Try it and see what happens. We did it last year and we never got the flu. If this helps you and your loved ones from getting sick, all the better. If you do get the flu, it just might be a mild case.. Whatever, what have you to lose? Just a few bucks on onions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now there is a P. S. to this for I sent it to a friend in Oregon who regularly contributes material to me on health issues. She replied with this most interesting experience about onions:
Weldon, thanks for the reminder. I don't know about the farmers story... but, I do know that I contacted pneumonia and needless to say I was very ill... I came across an article that said to cut both ends off an onion put one end on a fork and then place the forked end into an empty jar... placing the jar next to the sick patient at night. It said the onion would be black in the morning from the germs... sure enough it happened just like that... the onion was a mess and I began to feel better.
Another thing I read in the article was that onions and garlic placed around the room saved many from the black plague years ago. They have powerful antibacterial, antiseptic properties.
This is the other note.
LEFT OVER ONIONS ARE POISONOUS
I have used an onion which has been left in the fridge, and sometimes I don't use a whole one at one time, so save the other half for later.
Now with this info, I have changed my mind.... will buy smaller onions in the future.
I had the wonderful privilege of touring Mullins Food Products, Makers of mayonnaise. Mullins is huge, and is owned by 11 brothers and sisters in the Mullins family. My friend, Jeanne, is the CEO.
Questions about food poisoning came up, and I wanted to share what I learned from a chemist.
The guy who gave us our tour is named Ed. He's one of the brothers Ed is a chemistry expert and is involved in developing most of the sauce formula. He's even developed sauce formula for McDonald's.
Keep in mind that Ed is a food chemistry whiz. During the tour, someone asked if we really needed to worry about mayonnaise. People are always worried that mayonnaise will spoil. Ed's answer will surprise you. Ed said that all commercially- made Mayo is completely safe.
"It doesn't even have to be refrigerated. No harm in refrigerating it, but it's not really necessary." He explained that the pH in mayonnaise is set at a point that bacteria could not survive in that environment. He then talked about the quaint essential picnic, with the bowl of potato salad sitting on the table and how everyone blames the mayonnaise when someone gets sick.
Ed says that when food poisoning is reported, the first thing the officials look for is when the 'victim' last ate ONIONS and where those onions came from (in the potato salad?). Ed says it's not the mayonnaise (as long as it's not homemade Mayo) that spoils in the outdoors. It's probably the onions, and if not the onions, it's the POTATOES.
He explained, onions are a huge magnet for bacteria, especially uncooked onions. You should never plan to keep a portion of a sliced onion.. He says it's not even safe if you put it in a zip-lock bag and put it in your refrigerator.
It's already contaminated enough just by being cut open and out for a bit, that it can be a danger to you (and doubly watch out for those onions you put in your hotdogs at the baseball park!)
Ed says if you take the leftover onion and cook it like crazy you'll probably be okay, but if you slice that leftover onion and put on your sandwich, you're asking for trouble. Both the onions and the moist potato in a potato salad, will attract and grow bacteria faster than any commercial mayonnaise will even begin to break down.
So, how's that for news? Take it for what you will. I (the author) am going to be very careful about my onions from now on. For some reason, I see a lot of credibility coming from a chemist and a company that produces millions of pounds of mayonnaise every year.'
Also, dogs should never eat onions. Their stomachs cannot metabolize onions .Please remember it is dangerous to cut onions and try to use it to cook the next day ,it becomes highly poisonous for even a single night and creates Toxic bacteria which may cause Adverse Stomach infections because of excess Bile secretions and even Food poisoning.
Please pass it on to all you love and care.
No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.comVersion: 9.0.730 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/2639 - Release Date: 01/22/10 11:33:00
Humans’ finest moments are connecting in Circles of Naked Movements. Acknowledge yourself and come home. The Wild Universe and all their families Hear, Feel, Appreciate, Celebrate and Nourish you!!! We are their mysteries and The Wild are our realities.
Wa-do
EarthThunder
Boise, Idaho 208.599.1004
Oceanearth.earthocean@gmail.com
http://earththunder.byregion.net
This budget may be vague in understanding by humans most times, how would they mirror their daily, monthly budget to that of the planet? Never doubt the Gift is available.
CIRCLES, CYCLES, SEASONS, SPIRALS AND COMPOST
GrandMother Earth and her families Economy Budget:
On a monthly basis re-access your time distribution: serving GrandMother Earth and her families, time, self, relations, lifework, money and movement to Circle your abundant thriving.
-48% Necessity = Sleep, Spirituality, Food, Lodge, LifeWork
-13% Community=GrandMother Earth and her families, Intimate family, Global Families
-13% Savings= of time, meditation, silence, money, release expectation/perception
-13% Relaxation, play, pain is an ally and death is a cycle of living
-13% Mysteries=Trust what you know you do not know yet or do not need to know or will ever be known
___________________________________________
**Contributed by an email from my dear aunt RiverEyes
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